have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
