dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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