so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My penis needs a shock collar
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
