I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
