Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
