I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
