woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
