just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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