Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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