i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
