I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
