Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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