dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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