apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
