I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
