He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How does one acquire holy water?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
