All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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