he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
