his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
