The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
