I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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