I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
