u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
