Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
50% drunk capacity currently
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You are a genius and a whore.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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