Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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