no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
