i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
