I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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