i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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