I skipped work to stalk him.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
