Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
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