I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize