i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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