Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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