Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
