yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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