i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
