Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
