and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
