you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
