It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
