I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
