My underwear smells like fireworks.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
