Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
