I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
