The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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