You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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