It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
