I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
