I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
