Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
