At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
