I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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