chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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