This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
