my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I did not marry a roomba.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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