I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
