someone threw a dead crab at me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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