apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
