speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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