Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
