I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
