please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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