We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
