my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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