peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize