3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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