when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
