Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize