Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
