But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
