just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
