Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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