Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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