Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
