So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
