If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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