You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm jealous of your bromance
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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