somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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