The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize