The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
