Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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