Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
