oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
