Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
