Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
