Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
