I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my being single is dangerous.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
