we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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