Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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