my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
