I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
