Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
