Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
