Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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