do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
