dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
