Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
