Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize