You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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