Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
