My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize