Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
