Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
